he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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