I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
