Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
