no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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