Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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