If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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