i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
