Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
