Yo dont text me then not text me
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
