but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
