Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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