peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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