Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
