TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
