if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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