So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
