I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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