i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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