Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
