i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you had me at cake vodka
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
