Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
