I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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