he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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