i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
