2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
