I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
