The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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