there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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