If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My dick has a subreddit
i think i just lost a toe
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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