So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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