My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
