roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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