You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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