I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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