also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
