so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
