just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
