walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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