wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
