i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I will be naked everywhere
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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