D3 body, D1 cock
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
