How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
