U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
