walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I came so hard my ears popped.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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