I wish my penis had an off switch
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Sorry about my life...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
