my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
