I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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