He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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