I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I am one with the molecules
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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