just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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