you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
